This is Where I Put My Feels.

I miss you sometimes.

Tue, 30 Apr 2013 02:34:30 -0400

I miss you sometimes.

I’m sad too much…

Sat, 02 Mar 2013 04:27:22 -0500

I’m sad too much…

Something I think a lot about...

Tue, 26 Feb 2013 02:41:10 -0500

I graduated high school 6th in my class. I’m pretty fucking proud of that. I was going to do big things with my life—Go to college. Get out of Knox County. All kinds of fun stuff that didn’t involve this shitty, shitty place.

And when people see me working at Arby’s…In Knox County, I wonder what they think. People I went to high school with who knew I was going to do big things with my life. I wonder what they think.

It’s probably something like, “I’m surprised she’s still here. She was all fucking talk—she’ll never make it out”

I hope people don’t think that. I’m getting out—I really am. When they see that I’m not at Arby’s in the fall anymore, they’ll wonder where I went. But the most important thing is—they’ll still be in fucking Knox County to see that I’m not there anymore.

You know what.

Mon, 18 Feb 2013 03:40:02 -0500

Fuck you. I know this happened four days ago. But. Fuck. You.

You are nothing but a whiny bitch who will never amount to anything more than an Arby’s crew worker with a stoner boyfriend. At least my boyfriend could afford to get me something for Valentine’s Day rather than “working for his mom” so she could buy something.

Fuck you for saying I am in the friendzone in my own relationship. I happen to like daisies, even on Valentine’s Day. And I know my daisies will live a fuck ton longer than any roses anyone got.

So just fuck you, you prissy bitch. No one likes you and you’re almost as worthless as your fucking boyfriend.

It's my anniversary

Tue, 12 Feb 2013 04:09:16 -0500

And I’m happy. I love my boyfriend. I just wish he was here to celebrate it with me…

I'm sad..

Mon, 11 Feb 2013 04:20:49 -0500

I just took my top cartilage piercing out. It’s been since like..May? And it still hadn’t healed. It was infected and I just couldn’t save it. I will miss it. hopefully, I can get it done again sometime, but have it go as well as my first one did…

My boyfriend and I are talking about getting a place together...

Fri, 25 Jan 2013 02:59:43 -0500

Not sure if this is terrifying..Or..a positive adjective.

I’d love it if I could get back to this weight.

Sat, 12 Jan 2013 00:07:49 -0500

I’d love it if I could get back to this weight.

Goodbye 2012

Mon, 31 Dec 2012 13:25:02 -0500

I think I’m glad 2012 is over.

At the end of 2011, I dropped out of college, which made the first three months of 2012 completely suck. I sat in my room, doing nothing. All day. Every day.

So after I got my car, I started looking for a job. That took like two months. But this was happening while I was in my depression.

I got my job at Arbys in April, I think. So at least I’ve been making money.

I also started going to community college online around that time. So because it was online school, I still had no friends to see and no life.

So blah blah blah. Sitting around in my house all the time, visiting my old college as much as I could to see my friends. I was still depressed all the time.

Before I knew it, it was summer. College friends were getting home. So I had my best friends back home with me. And. Austin came home. I saw him the day after he got home. It had been about a year since we had seen each other. A few weeks later, we started “officially” dating.

Summer was great. I had my friends. I had my boyfriend. I lost my virginity. I was taking time off school so I could enjoy everything.

Then everyone went back to school in the fall. So I was alone again.

I’ve just spent so much of this year being alone.

I look forward to 2013. I’m planning on transferring colleges to a University. I’ll make new friends. I’ll be much less alone. My boyfriend and I are kind of starting to talk about possibly living together eventually. And a lot can happen in a year. So we’ll see where that takes us. My best friend’s sister is getting married in August—that’ll be fun.

So 2013 has a lot of promise. I’m ready for it.

Hmm. This is just going to be another rant about my life.

Mon, 31 Dec 2012 02:47:19 -0500

and i don’t really feel like typing in any caps, so i’m not going to. because yolo.

so. i know better than anyone. how boring and halfway sad my life is. i know i have little—i have my boyfriend, austin. i have my job, arby’s. i have my online schoo, columbus statel. and i have my best friend, erica. outside of those few things, i don’t really have friends or anything else.

so tonight. after i got off work. i went to erica’s house. she had a few other friends over. ada, eric, aarin and foxy. now, it definitely is not that i do not like these people. i would consider them my friends. but i feel like i hardly know them. and that’s sad because ada is my second best friend from home.

but honestly. i hardly know anyone anymore. it’s kind of sad. but i also don’t mind in a way. i’ve grown comfortable, being a loner because i’m alone a lot. i just had to get used to it. but is it normal that i don’t have friends and don’t mind? i feel like i should mind. i’m 19 years old. these are supposed to be the years of my life. yet, i spend them sitting in my room, on my computer, working on homework or browsing tumblr.

i don’t really know where i’m going with this.

i also feel kind of like a loner—especially like now. because erica always has a thing at her house for new years eve. i’ve gone to it for at least the past 4 years. this year. boyfriend has been thrown into the mix. she said she didn’t want him here unless some of our other friends were going to be there. and erica didn’t think any of our friends were going to be at her house. so she told me to go with austin and do whatever with him. i refused to make the choice because i am not the kind of girl who chooses between her boyfriend and her best friend. i was literally unable. so she said herself that she was making the decision for me. and she would never be selfish. so she told me to go with him. so i found out when i was over at her house today that ada, eric and aarin are going to her house for new years eve. and that honestly kind of pissed me off. because i made it clear. to everyone. how i wanted to be with both erica and austin. and to find out. that more friends were going to erica’s. so i could have brought austin to her house. it was a mini heartbreak, to be honest.

growing up sucks.

that’s all i’ve got.

I'm turning into one of those pathetic people who only talks about their boyfriend and their job.

Tue, 25 Dec 2012 22:52:14 -0500

But really. What else do I do? I see Austin when I can. And when I can’t, I am at work.

I just miss him. Meh. I’m pathetic lol

When your boyfriend tells you he'd marry you tomorrow if you were at all prepared for it.

Sun, 23 Dec 2012 04:19:19 -0500

That’s probably the best feeling ever.

Can I just get married like now? Ugh why must I only be 19 and in college and have no money?

Long distance relationship challenge. All 30 questions.

Wed, 12 Dec 2012 23:52:02 -0500

Day 1: Your name / their name
Cadi and Austin
Day 2: Your ages
19&20
Day 3: Your locations
Mt Vernon, Ohio. Akron, Ohio. (It’s like..two hours distance)
Day 4: How did you meet?
Well. Senior year of high school. Our moms wants us to meet because neither of us had a date to prom. So he was playing baseball against my school at my school. I went to the game and met his mom. And that day, I also added him on Facebook. And we just started talking.
Day 5: Since when have you been together?
The first time we dated, I broke up with him after about a monthish. But after our freshman years of college, we got back together on May 12, 2012 at roughly 2:15am.
Day 6: What is the most random thing you know about him/her? and viceversa?
We know a lot of random stuff about each other…This question is kind of dumb..
Day 7: How do you communicate with each other?
We text basically every moment we’re awake. And we also skype almost every night.
Day 8: Favourite thing you’ve given him?
My love—he’s so deserving.
Day 9: Favourite thing he has given you? If we’re talking symbolically… His companionship, love, support, friendship, trust, energy, time ♥
His love. And his millions of kisses. Mmm.
Day 10: Favourite thing about him?
Besides everything? Physically, I would have to say everything about his mouth. His teeth, lips, everything. And the way it feels to kiss him. Personality wise, he’s romantic and clingy. I love it when he tells me he misses me about 19 times in the same ten minutes.
Day 11: Pick one thing you miss (I know there are 19238923842039402394 things) and describe it in detail.
Touching his face. I’m a weird girl. And I touch Austin’s face a lot. Doesn’t matter if we’re kissing or if we’re just sitting next to each other, watching tv. I love feeling the lines of his jaw and feeling cheeks turn to nose or lips. I love feeling the scruff on his face like it’s sandpaper. And i love when I trace his lips and I can feel a smile creep across them.
Day 12: How would you define love?
There is no definition of love. It is what you feel for someone who has captured your heart. It’s when you miss someone before they’re even gone. When you would die just to see them again. When they consume 90% of your thoughts. The one you love..is just everything.
Day 13: What do you think is the hardest thing about distance?
Not being able to see each other. I just miss being around him. I trust him, so there’s no issue there. I just miss being around him. Seeing him smile. Running my fingers through his hair. All of that stuff.
Day 14: Describe a moment you had with him last time you were together. (If you haven’t met, describe how the perfect moment would be)
Last time we were together…hmm. Just one moment. Well. It was the first time we had smoked weed together. We had a blunt. And I hadn’t smoked for a long time. But we were in my car, smoking. And I started coughing a bunch because i’m a wimp and can’t handle it. And I just kept coughing. And there was this moment. When he just said “Hey. Hey look at me. Are you ok?” And in that moment. I fell twice as in love with him. I don’t know why. I just loved how worried he was about me and just that moment. Showed how much he cared about me.
Day 15: Favourite love (LDR or not) song?
There are so many love songs to choose from. And I like so many..This is just an impossible question..
Day 16: Favourite love (LDR or not) movie?
Well. I love Pride and Prejudice. I also love Rent. And Phantom of the Opera. And The Notebook. And 500 Days of Summer, if that is considered a love movie. I just love everything lol.
Day 17: Favourite love (LDR or not) quote?
“If you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only love.”
Day 18: Post a picture of the two of you together. (If you don’t have one, post a picture of something you can/could relate to)

Day 19: I know there’s not one thing, but choose one of your favourite things to hear him say.
“I love you” in the middle of the night, when we both wake up for a moment. I think that’s a given. I also love to hear him laugh. It’s possibly the cutest thing ever.
Day 20: Is there something you regret? (either about the relationship, or something you have done)
I regret absolutely nothing in our relationship. I don’t regret breaking up the first time because we needed to know each other better. And that has only made this time work better.
Day 21: Give us a little insight (as much as you’re comfortable) on your sex life (either with this person physically, or your general history, or over the phone ha, whatever you want)
Austin and I lost our virginity to each other.
Day 22: Share something cute. (A story, something either of you have done, a song, memory, wish, dream)
Well. I think for our one year anniversary, which is in the foreseeable future, we want to go to Dairy Queen and see a Jake Gyllenhaal movie if there is one playing. Because for our first date, we went to see Source Code, and Jake Gyllenhaal is in it. Then we went to Dairy Queen so we could talk a little and see if we were kind of into each other. So for our one year, we want to get dressed up and fancy and try to recreate it. Because our first date was kind of adorable. We were both so awkward and we didn’t know each other at all. But we could feel the chemistry between us so we both just kept laughing and smiling awkwardly. And we were so obviously on a first date. We were just so cute and awkward.
Day 23: Do you have a song? Which one is it? (if you don’t, then what is something that always reminds you of him)
Anything by Jack Johnson will always make me think of Austin. If we had a song, it would probably be Better Together by Jack Johnson.
Day 24: Describe him physically and emotionally/personality-wise?
Physically. I find him extremely good looking. He’s tall, thin, dark haired. He’s got a strong jaw line. A big nose, things I like in a guy. His skin is darker than mine—that’s his Native American coming out. He’s got big hands, but they’re soft. His hair’s soft too. His teeth are a little jagged and I love it—they’re perfect.
Personality. He’s so sweet. He’s probably one of the nicest people ever to me. But he can also be mean—his humor is a little harsh but still extremely funny. He’s really really smart. He’s quiet until you actually know him. Even after you know him, he’s still a little quiet. He loves hard. It takes him a while to fall in love because he’s been hurt. But once he does, he’s in for the long haul.
Day 25: One thing that he does that pisses you off (even if that smile will get you every time)
Nothing he does pisses me off really. I know that seems like it would probably be a lie..But really. We don’t fight ever. We have no reason to fight.
Day 26: Sweetest thing he has done for you
He stayed by my side, even after I broke up with him. He gave me a reason to smile when I had no other reasons. He’s been amazing.
Day 27: If you had the money/time/connections/whatever to get him any gift in the world, what would it be?
I would pay for his college education.
Day 28: If you could have him with you physically for the next 5 hours, what would you do?
We would cuddle. A lot. Then have sex. And cuddle naked. And we would watch movies. And talk. And just be together. And we would love every minute of it.
Day 29: When will you see him next?
I hope to see him next on Saturday thee 15th.
Day 30: Where do you see your future going with him?
All the way. I would love nothing more than to marry this boy.

long distance relationship: day 2

Tue, 04 Dec 2012 23:28:26 -0500

Our ages:

I am 19.

He is 20.

long distance relationship: day 1

Tue, 04 Dec 2012 03:07:29 -0500

our names:

Cadi and Austin.

Do those sound ok together? Meh, not bad. I’m not gonna break up with this kid, even if our names don’t sound perfect together.

I know everyone says this. And I'm also about to say it.

Mon, 12 Nov 2012 01:53:23 -0500

My boyfriend. Is the best guy I’ve ever met in my entire life. And that says a lot. Because I’ve met some pretty amazing people.

Today, November 12, 2012 is our six month anniversary.

I don’t even know where to start with how amazing he makes me feel. He’s just so nice and caring and considerate. I didn’t even know they made guys like him anymore. He doesn’t try to put pressure on me to do things. He’s so chill. He’s my main reason to smile every day. He isn’t afraid to be silly with me when we’re together. He deals with all of my baggage and all of my mood swings. And I’m seriously. The luckiest girl in the world.

I’m not one of those who think her boyfriend is all she’s got. But with my lack of life. He’s about 1/3 of everything I have to be happy about. I have him. I have my few friends. And I have my job.

And even though he goes to school two hours away, I don’t feel insecure about him being there with any bad decision he could make. I trust him that much.

I’m going to stop babbling now. I just love my boyfriend. He’s amazing.

So.

Sat, 10 Nov 2012 02:24:53 -0500

I texted one of my old friends from high school. Because I missed him and stuff.

And back. In high school. He wanted to take my virginity. Because he’s weird and stuff and he sort of had a mini crush on me sophomore year (and apparently senior year). And we almost always talk about sex when we talk. I just think it’s funny.

And this kid is super adorable. I miss him bunches. And I think it’s cute when he talks about how he used to have a crush on me and stuff. Because he’s this big buff football player dude who isn’t supposed to be interested in girls like me.

I just thought I’d write this out. Because I wanna start talking to my friends more. I miss having friends a lot. I especially miss not talking to the friends who used to be close to me. And he is a friend who used to be close to me.

That really fucking annoying moment when...

Thu, 01 Nov 2012 23:41:08 -0400

When you’re on skype with your boyfriend. And he keeps watching tv. And you’re like “Dude, if you wanna watch tv, it’s cool. I’ll just go to bed because I’m super tired anyways.” And he’s all like “Oh, no. I wanna talk to you still. I miss you and stuff.”

And he keeps watching tv.

He stopped. But it still annoyed me enough for the moment that I’m putting it here.

I'm so tired..

Sun, 14 Oct 2012 02:12:40 -0400

And the boy just left my house about 20 minutes ago? So he should be home in about ten. I just need to not sleep until he’s home because I worry and shit. So imma type for a while and try to catch all of my typos and shit.

I missed Austin bunches. He’s kind of awesome and shit.I’m happy. Blahblahblah couple things. Idk. I don’t really like talking about it because I feel like I’m bragging or something? Because I don’t want to be one of those girls who only talks about their boyfriend. So I try not to talk about mine. And I have mostly single friends who all give the same reaction when I talk about him. But it’s totally ok.

So that’s my life right now or something. I burned three whole minutes by sitting here and typing this lol. Look at me go. I’m awesome. Ugh so tired. I think I might lay in bed and wait for the boy to text me. Ok bye. Good talk.

I'm kind of pathetic

Tue, 25 Sep 2012 00:07:03 -0400

But I miss my boy…